You and you alone
by thundervolt
Summary: I let myself be happy, let myself think that your eyes always search for me. Let myself imagine that your eyes light up because of my presence and for a brief second they do.
1. Chapter 1

Disclamer! Nothing is mine except for the story, not the song or the caracters. Sooo yeah don't sue please, me very broke!

* * *

I can only give you love that lasts forever

And a promise to be near each time you call

And the only heart I own

For you and you alone

That's all, that's all

Breathtaking!

Really that's what you are. Breathtaking.

I'm looking at you from across the room and there's absolutely nothing more I can do. Maybe if I fake an injury you'll finally look my way. I can only hope. To anybody who notice the way my eyes are drawn and glued to you I might seem to be a complete stalker or maybe I'm simply pathetic because everybody knows you're definitely not mine to long for.

I can only give you country walks in springtime

And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall

And a love whose burning light

Will warm the winter night

That's all, that's all

But every time your eyes are cast in my direction, I cannot stop my breath from getting stuck in my throat. And let's not talk about the rare times where your hands land on me. Those are the times that I yearn for, the times I look forward to. And the times where they don't, are the moments that I am ready to go as far as to beg for you to touch me. It's getting old and did I say pathetic? Yet, it's never enough.

There are those, I am sure, that have told you

They would give you the world for a toy

All I have are these arms to enfold you

And a love time can never destroy

But noooooo, it couldn't be enough. The whole thing also had to be pitiful. I've got to face it, your stares are simply not meant for me but for the person standing right next to me. Still, I cannot stop myself from imagining that they are sent for me. I let myself be happy, let myself think that your eyes always search for me. Let myself imagine that your eyes light up because of my presence and for a brief second they do.

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear

You'll be glad to know that my demands are small

Say it's me that you'll adore

For now and ever more

That's all, that's all

You start to move in my direction and I'm brought back to reality. Crap, do I stay and play it cool or should I just run away pretending that the almost full drink in my hand is in dire need to be refreshed. 10 seconds. Come on now, make up your mind. Although I know it'd probably be best for my sanity to not stand awkwardly around you guys while you make googly eyes at each other, I cannot help but to stop and look at you.

You ARE breathtaking.

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear

You'll be glad to know that my demands are small

Say it's me that you'll adore

For now and ever more

That's all

3 seconds. I will my feet to start moving before it's too late and I humiliate myself. God, what wouldn't I do for that smile to be meant for me, what wouldn't I do to be able to light up your face? What I wouldn't do! I chance one last glance behind my shoulder and our eyes meet and my pace falters. Your smile drops a little and your eyes, your eyes seem be to telling me something. Well maybe I do NOT need another drink but looking at you with him… Yes another drink would do me good.

That's all


	2. Chapter 2

**Second part yaaaallll! Still don't own anything! Enjoy!**

**Song: take on me- aqualung's version**

* * *

Talking away  
I don't know what I'm to say  
I'll say it anyway  
Today isn't my day to find you  
Shying away  
I'll be coming for your love, OK?

SERIOUSLY! Oh, come on! Really, you are not going let me go? No offense old man but there's plenty of other things I'd rather be doing than standing here talking to you! For example, sitting at home in my sweat, wallowing in self-pity and eating away my feelings. But really, what I should be doing is gather my courage and finally confess what I've been feeling all this time. Because I do NOT wallow in self-pity and yet I'm hiding in a conversation in which I have no interest. I've practiced a million times what I would say and every single time I found a reason not to. I guess I am more of a coward than anyone thought, more than I thought. I glance around hoping to find somebody, anybody to come and save me and that's when I see you.

So needless to say  
Of odds and ends  
But I'll be stumbling away  
Slowly learning that life is OK.  
Say after me  
It's no better to be safe than sorry

That is when I remember how exhausted I truly am. It's exhausting to pretend to be your friend and to hide all that I'm feeling. For the longest time, you've been all I can think about. I convinced myself that being your friend would be enough, that at least I'd still have you in my life because that's better than nothing, right? I found out the hard way that the answer was a giant no. It seems that the harder I try the more difficult it becomes to portrait the Oh so supportive friend. Our eyes meet for a brief second before I quickly make up my mind, whisper an excuse to whomever I've been talking to and make my way to you. Okay, calm down, breath in, breath out, I tell myself. I can totally do this!

Oh, things that you say  
Is it a life or just to play my worries away?  
You're all the things I've got to remember  
You're shying away  
I'll be coming for you anyway

5 steps, that's it and I'll finally get to my goal. I'll finally be free of all the self-doubt and loathing. Except, just when I'm about to reach you, you turn around and walk away. I feel my smile waver. We lock eyes on more time and I try to convey every single emotions I have toward you so they'll persuade you to walk back to me. However, I have no such luck. All I have are those two options: stay and talk to Javier or go after you. I sigh and watch you walk away. Talking to Javi it is, I guess. Maybe tomorrow it'll be easier to simply pretend that we're better off as friends. I can lie to myself for another day but looking at you I realize that one more day might just kill me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Dear dudes here comes the third part! thanks for the review and the follows!**

**Song: All i want by Kodaline**

* * *

Ryan's POV

I'm leaning against the bar and it takes all my willpower to not turn around and look at you two. 'Cause if I did, it would be a terrible idea! One that'd probably only bring me more sorrow than I care for. But all I can seem to hear over the noise of the crowd and music is your laughter and of course, as expected, it pulls me in. Your head is thrown back and you're laughing without any restrain. To see you like this makes me happier than I've been in a long time. It's truly captivating. Yet, my happiness is short lived since your hand lands on the arm of the man who made you release that beautiful sound. A man that's simply not me. I face back the bar, take a deep breath and decide that I should undoubtedly leave before I make an ass out of myself. I begin to walk back to you guys to bid you goodnight when I see him leaning very closely on you. I stop dead on my track. You turn your head in my direction so I quickly wave my hand, give what I hope is a friendly smile and make my way to the exit.

_All I want is nothing more  
To hear you knocking at my door  
'Cause if I could see your face once more  
I could die as a happy man I'm sure_

I get back home in record time. I seriously needed to get out of there. I make my way to my apartment and let myself in. Once the door closed, I lean my forehead against it and let out a deep breath. I truly wish you would have come after me. But what I really wish for is for me to not have ran away but instead stayed and fought for what I wanted. And now you're most certainly in his arms, swaying to some romantic music and longingly staring in each other's eyes. I'm more than glad that I didn't stay to witness this love fest. It's time for me to finally let you go and accept that you are plainly not for me.

_When you said your last goodbye  
I died a little bit inside  
I lay in tears in bed all night  
Alone without you by my side_

I finally pull myself from the door and walk to my sofa. I lie on my back, stare at the ceiling and burn a hole in it as if it was its fault I was in this predicament. I close my eyes and wish the world would stop for just a minute so I could catch a break and figure out how I was going to face you Monday morning. It's getting to damn complicated and I can't stand it anymore. The fact is, I cannot have you but then again I cannot even imagine not having you in my life. It is not something I would ever be willing to do. So I'm willing to settle and be your friend. If that's what it takes then that is what I'll do.

_'Cause you brought out the best of me  
A part of me I'd never seen  
You took my soul wiped it clean  
Our love was made for movie screens_

But for now I'm going to lie here and bath in self-pity. I close my eyes and envision a life where you are mine. That is the life you'll surely end up building with him eventually. My pretend life. I should really stop this torture 'cause it doesn't help and definitely doesn't make me feel any better. Plus, the moment I'll open my eyes I will be brought back to reality and it will be harsh. It will not be pleasant, at all. I'm startled by a soft knock on my front door and wonder who could it be. I debate whether I should get it or let the person believe that I wasn't at home and let them leave. But then again, maybe some company will do me good and take my mind off of you. But once I open the door who I find there was not who I would ever expect.

_Ooh, if you loved me  
Why did you leave me  
Take my body  
Take my body  
All I want is  
All I need is  
To find somebody  
I'll find somebody_

_Like you, ooh_


End file.
